Friday, October 17, 2008
Just a castaway...
The answer to the question that's been burning a hole through your frontal lobe all day is no, there is no ocean-based floating object that can't be commodified and sold on the web.
Remember the good ol' message in a bottle? You know, that Sting sang so wistfully about as he sat (counting his piles of money) on his deserted (multi-million dollar) island (resort), staring out to sea (over his piles of money), thinking about loneliness (and that he should really invite Richard Branson over from his island for Sunday arvo drinks).
Ah yes, the missive of the lonely, the isolated and the prankster can now be purchased online from the Oceangram store. For the low price of US$19.95 (plus postage and handling) you can buy the 'Original Message in a Bottle', with its personalised scroll, cocktail umbrella and tiny handful of sand (authentic, yes?).
If a friend or loved one happens to be graduating, the Oceangram store has that covered too: just select the 'Graduation Message in a Bottle'. If you'd like to tell someone you're thinking about them, choose the 'I'm Thinking About You Message in a Bottle'.
My favourite of all is the 'Merry Christmas in a Christmas Bauble Message in a Bottle'. All. Bases. Covered.
There's so much wrong with this concept.
Firstly, messages in bottles NEED WATER, not postage and handling.
Secondly, no-one has ever sent a message in a bottle saying "Hi - stuck on island - desperate for food, water - dying slow death - by the way, congrats on your graduation".
Thirdly, the 'Merry Christmas in a Christmas Bauble Message in a Bottle' is a Christmas BAUBLE, not a bottle, so CANNOT STRICTLY BE.
On the other hand, who's got time to go to the beach and ferret around looking for skank-arse bottles half submerged in the sand? Ah commodification, you've come to the rescue again.