Ever googled your own name? Found a namesake out there living a fabulous alternate life (heiress, hemp grower, hand model) you'd consider attempting the old switcheroo with?
So I googled my name and it appears there are thousands of dangerous kettles out there: kettles that spill and boil over and steam up the kitchen without turning off, kettles that cause accidents and injuries and drive their describers to use CAPITAL LETTERS to emphasise just how very DANGEROUS they are.
To my great delight I have found that kettles and many other white goods are greatly feared, which gives the phrase 'homeland security' a whole new twist.
While Western governments across the globe are spending gazillions protecting our right to consume and be insensitive loud-mouths, the real danger lurks at home, quietly sitting in our laundries and bathrooms and on our kitchen benches, toasting our bread, frothing our milk, and espressing our espressos...
...just waiting to connect with our metal knives! To grab hold of our little ouch-prone fingers! And worst of all, waiting to BREAK DOWN, leaving us without coffee / clean underwear / Farrah Fawcett hair (which is, indeed, DANGEROUS).
Oh the perils.