Wednesday, May 26, 2010

How to have a rockin' day

Please find below nine jolly suggestions for how to have a good day, based primarily on avoiding the stupid things I've done in the last 12 hours:

1. Don't set your alarm for 4:30am so you can get some work done then wake everyone up in the process of getting up yourself. Remember there is an inverse relationship between the number of people awake in the house and the amount of work that can be done.

2. Don't balance your coffee on the arm of the couch if you're likely to knock it off straight away.

3. Don't forget your lifelong clumsiness (especially in relation to drinks) when balancing your coffee on the arm of the couch.

4. Don't wait until the rain is at its heaviest before walking to the corner for another coffee.

5. Don't fool yourself into thinking a dress you wore 10 years ago will a. still fit 10 years later, and b. be suitable for a charity ball you're going to in a fortnight's time.

6. Don't leave yourself a fortnight to get organised for a charity ball.

7. Don't sit next to someone for half an hour before they mention their wife and child are at home with hard-core gastro. Open every new conversation with a question on this topic.

8. Don't allow yourself to become disheartened by Kevin Rudd. Remember the Labor party still has Senator Faulkner and he's rad.

9. Don't be surprised, if you attempt to toilet train your child in the course of a single day like I am today, when you step repeatedly in little piles of wee around the house.

Won't you add to the list? I clearly need your help today.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Very Important World Event

I've been meaning to write something about the UK election but something much more important has happened: we've bought a new fish.

While fish and politicians share many characteristics (they're both slimy, for example), fish are better at forming coherent arguments and are infinitely more endearing than your average Tory backbencher.

But while we have a name for the UK's new prime minister, we don't yet have a name for our new fish. Will you help?

Here's some footage to get your creative wires humming (please note: the new fish is the one that doesn't look like Count Vronsky or Karl Marx, which are the other two fish):

Sorry, I should have warned you about the clarinet. There's nothing like a small range of sample music in a video editing program to help you torture people in cruel and unusual ways.

If you can forgive me the clarinet, what say you for a moniker for this magnificent orange Carassius auratus auratus?