Being newly redundant, I've spent several days now puzzling over What To Do.
What with the worry about feeding and clothing myself and my associated loved ones, not to mention keeping myself in the confectionery style I have grown accustomed, I thought perhaps my kettle-ship was doomed, that I might *sob* never laugh again.
To remedy this situation I read the whole newspaper on the weekend thinking that surely I'd come across some silly buggers doing stupid things with bungy cords and elephants, but, cover to cover, I only laughed once. Once! And that was over this quote by someone called Vickers in an article about Prince William: "Extraordinary presence, tall and upright; if you put the requirements of a future king into a computer, that's what you'd hope to come up with." That sure beats the current method for selecting a monarch.
Anyhoo, so I decided that if anyone/thing had an answer for What To Do it would be The School of Life, and what ho did I find but this post on The School of Life's Alternative Job Centre.
Forget the whole employers-advertising-positions caper (that's so 2008), the Alternative Job Centre invites you to write an ad for the job of your dreams and let employers decide if they are able to offer it to you.
So here goes:
Hi, my name is Kettle and I am the kind of person who understands that money can be exchanged for goods and services. I care deeply about books and tea, which is possibly why I have so little money to exchange for goods and services.
My best personal qualities are that I know when to plunge the coffee and I always carry an umbrella. My special talent is that I can tell you, with a moment's notice, the percentage of books on my bookshelves I've read. I value libraries with ladders with wheels on them, and my ambition is to have such a library one day (or at least one of those ladders).
My special wish is to have a job where I can sit in this chair:
Please direct all offers of such work to this website.
What is your dream job for the Alternative Job Centre?