Is it just me or does this Shakespeare look like he needs a cigarette?
After considerable thought, I have decided that life would be better if I was Shakespeare. Sure, there was probably a little more scarlet fever and smallpox in the late sixteenth and early seventeenth centuries than I'd like, and definitely a little less sanitation than I'm into, but what would you give to have created thousands of words, at least 1,700 of which are still in use today?
Since there are many reasons why I will never be Shakespeare, including that he lived and died several centuries before I was even a twinkle in my parents' eyes, and that he had a gargantuan brain while I am, well, a kettle, in my quiet moments I like to think on what small amendments I could make to the rolling stone that is the English language. They are thus, and I humbly submit them to you:
1. 'sea-hice' as a plural of 'sea-horse'. I always find it rather awkward saying 'sea-horses', so many esses. I believe the substitution of 'hice' for 'horses' would allow discussion of herds of sea-horses (sea-hice) to be more easily enunciated. After all, we say 'mice' rather than 'mouses'.
2. When 'so' is used to indicate a great amount of something, it should have an additional 'o'. Thus, to indicate cause and effect it need only have one 'o': "Snow White ate the poisoned apple so that she'd pass out then get a snog from a dashing prince with great hair"; while to indicate a great deal of something, the extra 'o' should be added: "Snow White was soo pissed off that the prince was into that totally hot guy from Silent Witness".
3. 'boilt' as an alternative to 'boiled'. No reason, just sounds funny.
My goal for Monday is to use each of these little enlargements to the English language, and to use them more than once if I can bring up sea-hice twice in one day without sounding like a cream-faced loon. I would be delighted to do my bit to advance any suggested enlargements you have; just say the word.