Wednesday, March 18, 2009

The University of Life


Four principal realisations I've had over the past 24 hours (with four sub-realisations and one dialogue transcription):

1. Going to bed two hours earlier than usual just means you wake up two hours earlier.

i. There is suprisingly little to do at 4am.


2. It's quite difficult to teach three-year-old children how to fly kites.

i. There are at least five points on small children's shoes the world over that kite string can and will get caught on.


3. Chariots of Fire is not a rousing film about breaking the four-minute mile but rather nationalist sporting twaddle.

i. Incorrectly attributed filmic memories from childhood can lead to disappointing evenings spent in adulthood.*

ii. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences does not always award the Best Film accolade to the best film (or even the best mediocre film, sporting or otherwise).


4. Wrong number phone calls received from universities can lead to the following conversation:
"Hello, I'm calling from the University of New South Wales and I'm looking for Jane Citizen.** Is that you, Jane Citizen?"
"Um no, I'm not enrolled at UNSW."
"Why not?"

I will puzzle over this while I have a cup of tea. Why not, indeed.

* What was that bloomin' film about the four-minute mile?
** Not real name.

9 comments:

squib said...

2. i. Sandals are the worst offenders

3. Great. Now I've got that tune stuck in my head. Thanks Kettle

Kettle said...

Sorry about 3. Squib. At least you still have the 118 minutes of your life I wasted on the film.

About 2: maybe we should design some kite-friendly kids shoes! A great work-from-home idea (in addition to scarlet tents).

squib said...

Gosh! With the hair buttons and the carnation tent and the kite friendly sandals we could be bigger than Mr Ikea!!

Kettle said...

Ooh Ikea! Are you cool to move into flat-packed goods? That opens up a whole new design world: flat-packed kite-friendly kids shoes, flat-packed designer sand in glass vases, flat-packed cushions with squirrel print covers... All we need now is a name.

squib said...

Flat Stanley?

Kettle said...

Good idea, Squib! I can't believe Ikea hasn't snapped up Flat Stanley as a global icon already :)

the projectivist said...

Was it a deadpan 'why not?'

hilarious!

Miles McClagan said...

At 4am in Burnie, you were guaranteed to either see Kingswood Country, ACA, Flying Doctors or General Hospital once upon a time...now you get ab rollers...sucks!

Kettle said...

Ms P it was deadpan... followed by a fabulous laugh. Almost made me want to enrol in something.

Ah Miles, what glory days in Burnie. Ab rollers suck gigantically, as does that stupid Proactiv ad... did they really think getting Jessica Simpson to be their spokesperson would help sales? I don't understand marketers or tv programmers at all.