Wednesday, July 21, 2010

So very not cool

I have this rule not to acknowledge celebrities if I happen to bump into them.

I made this rule many years ago after a book signing with a very famous Australian writer. I waited in line, I thought about what I was going to say, I even tried my bit (witty! Erudite! Faultlessly worded!) on my fellow queue friends.

Then I got to the head of the queue and what I ended up saying was: "Yeah hi. I really like your stuff. It's ... um ... good."

Then my moment was over and I was left to begin despairing over the magnitude of my dim-witted-ness.

Since then I've steadfastly held to the rule that I only acknowledge celebrities if they acknowledge me first, and since none ever have I've been left to ignore all of Australia's celebrities completely unhindered.

When I walked past Tim Friedman on King Street in Newtown (looking marvellously rock and roll) I said nothing; when I saw Senator Faulkner at the Sydney Writers' Festival, nothing. Today, at my son's swimming lesson, when I noticed the instructor was a former Aussie TV great I SAID NOTHING!

Nothing to her, that is, but when we walked past the desk on the way out I said to the staff: "Oh my God, do you mind, can I ask? We just had a lesson with [insert name]; was that really [insert name]? Seriously? From TV? Oh my God I remember her! From TV! Yeah yeah! Oh man, cool. Well, ahem, see you next week."

I'm so very not cool.


squib said...

I can't believe you didn't even give Faulkner a big bear hug

So which TV great? Pray tell

Kettle said...

In hindsight it was a mistake not to rush at Faulkner. I can only hope he forgives me when we're married. Ahem.

Remember A Country Practice and E Street? From that era.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I would have said "love your work comrade" if I'd seen Faulks.

But then, I can talk underwater.

Kettle said...

Sure Ramon, that makes perfect sense in hindsight.

No, actually, that just makes perfect sense.

You should put out a pocket publication: What to Say to Labor Doyens So You Don't Forever Regret the Lost Opportunity to Celebrate Their Doyenness (With Them).

On the plus side, I now know what to say to my son's swimming teacher next week.

squib said...

Well of course I remember A Country Practise and poor Molly but I've never heard of E Street

Kettle said...

Squib! E Street! Were you spared from it over in the west?

squib said...

We only had 2 channels. Living in the sticks can have its ups

Kettle said...

Bum, we had three channels. The extra one must have been the E Street one.

Despite the extra channel, we were still fairly sticks-based: we could hear cows mooing in the paddocks across the way (yep, that's Canberra).

Did you have a galleon in your backyard when you were growing up?

squib said...

No, our house was on the edge of the desert. A galleon would have looked foolish in that ark kind of way

Kettle said...

So given you lived at the edge of a desert, Squib, I'm assuming you weren't one of those kids who habitually confused 'desert' with 'dessert', unlike so many. Ahem.

Mad Cat Lady said...

We had a riffle range near us (though I didn't know it at the time) and I grew with a distant background noise of gunfire.

I was not an inquiring child. I didn't even ask what it was.

I've just seen a kettle in the shape of a duck! It is so awesome.

I kept hoping I'd see somebody famous when I lived in Sydney - but in never happened :(

Kettle said...

Ha ha, MCL! I wonder if duck-shaped kettles make duck-flavoured tea?

Let me know the next time you're in Sydney and we can strut around ignoring celebrities together, eh.

Catastrophe Waitress said...

a book signing!

was it at Borders?

every time i go there they're having a book signing. i never see any celebs though, just an empty table with one of those sad conference chairs waiting expectantly.

i ignore all celebs at my shop. well, other than to serve them and ask them to join my members list. of course.

it's my special way of making them feel like one of the mundane masses for just a moment.

Kettle said...

Excellent, Ms Catastrophe. We should start a Celebrities as Part of the Urban Masses Society. You cool to head up the Qld branch?

On another note, I had lentil soup for dinner. It went well with my pint of Coopers. Do things always taste better on holidays?

Catastrophe Waitress said...

they absolutely DO.
for example:
hot dogs.

those two foodstuffs taste infinitely more delicious whilst eaten on holiday.

Kettle said...

Yes yes, Ms Catastrophe!

After much research I can confirm that the best time to eat (non-meat-based) hamburgers and chips, in terms of taste ratings, is after a day at the beach during the Christmas holidays (please note: said (non-meat-based) hamburgers and chips must be accompanied with that Bundaberg ginger beer for optimum flavour extraction).

Mmm, holidays...