Thursday, February 12, 2009

Nothing going back to bed can't fix

I think I've woken up in some kind of alternate, bizarro world today. You know the kind of day where something bizarro happens and you unintentionally adopt the appearance of a stunned mullet, stutter out a few "ums" then wonder if you've got your own Truman Show going on? That's my world today.

I've had three of these moments already and it's barely morning tea time.

First up I spent a good minute and a half in a chemist reading a box of contact lens solution wondering what in Obama's name a 'rewet' was. "Roo-ette? Roo-ette?" Having had a discussion earlier in the morning about suet my mind leapt straight to that then on ruminants then on to porridge, none of which helped at all with regard to 'rewet'.

Then it dawned on me: "Oh re-wet! Right, yeah yeah, I get it now. This lens solution will help me 're-wet' my contacts. Ok." On reflection I think both the label copywriter and I are responsible for this meaning malfunction; who doesn't use a dash in re-wet? Who sometimes reads things a little too literally?

Anyhoo, this was followed closely by moment number two where the bizarro-ness was all Cityrail's. On a corridor in Wynyard station, at about eye level, is a wall mounted eye-bath. As far as I'm aware this particular corridor, or any corridor in the station for that matter, isn't renown as a danger spot for lemon juice fights so I'm at a loss to explain the presence of this eye bath in this location.

Bizarro moment number three is thanks to a story with this headline: "Crackdown on nude hikers". Apparently nude hikers in a particular part of Switzerland will soon be hit with fines of 200 Swiss francs if caught hiking sans socks and undies. All power to nude hikers, I say, and I'll certainly be buying shares in Swiss suncream companies, but what led to my "um... ok" moment was that the author signed off with "It was not clear where the naked hikers would find the money, although hikers often carry rucksacks." What was the subeditor thinking letting that one through? When will such naffness end?

I'm glad it's not Groundhog Day.


squib said...

Have you considered wearing glasses? Even Doctor Who has them and well he's a time lord

Kettle said...

Ooh! Good idea, squib! I've always wanted prescription goggles so now could be the time to switch to perspex lenses all round.

squib said...

I'm so glad I could help! B-)

Senji said...

Now I know it's probably just me, but when I first looked at the picture accompanying this post - a still from The Truman Show with the Kettle logo superimposed - I thought the Kettle pic was a hand drawn penis. Have a look at the Kettle logo side-on, and I'm sure you'll agree it's a bit penis-ey. No? Just me? Ok.

The other thing is, whenever someone uses the word "bizarro" I think of my darling, beloved, departed cat Bizarro. He was a great cat. He used to wait for me at the end of the street each day when I was coming home from school. And he didn't mind (much) when I picked him up by the tail. And he frequently put his paws around my neck to give me a hug.

Kettle said...

Senji, Senji, Senji! Between kettles with penises and long-departed, tail-loved cats I'm thinking you might need a lie-down, or at least a stiff drink.

[And don't tell me 'stiff drink' makes you think of stiffies and your pet turtle et al :) ]