Friday, April 24, 2009

Why didn't someone stop me?

I used to think it was important, in some areas of life, for us to take a small amount of responsibility for our actions, like when that woman in the US a few years ago sued a fast food outlet for burns to her, uh-hm, inner thighs from driving with a take-away coffee between her legs. I remember thinking at the time there may have been a few things she personally could have done to avoid the incident.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not defending the horror that is the fast food industry or their inexplicable desire to douse our nether regions in hot coffee, but I just felt the fast food joint wasn't entirely to blame for the unfortunate mishap.

But that was then and I hadn't seen Jerry Springer: The Opera.

Post-Jerry Springer any question about where responsibility lies for all future actions has been resolved. From now on, responsibility lies with everyone else but me: friends, loved ones, associated acquaintances and, why not, complete strangers. Clearly I am unable to make sound decisions for myself so the best thing I can do is stop making them and pass the decision baton on to others who might make less of a hash of it than me.

This is all a long way of saying, when I said "Jerry Springer: The Opera? Sounds awes!" you should have said "are you out of your frickin' mind? No, you fool! Put your money away and go sit on your hands."

From the refrain of the opening song ("my wife used to be my Dad!"), through the call-and-answer "'what do you want?' - 'lesbians fighting!' - what do you want?' - 'open-crotch sighting!'", to the Ku Klux Klan having their 'Jerry Springer moment' it was all so very wrong.

The funniest part was that the audience was full of dressed-up Opera House aficionados who were whooping and guffawing it up big time.

[The nicest part, as always, was the company.]

So from now on when I come up with some sandwich-short-of-a-picnic idea, like getting tickets to see Shane Warne: The Musical, what do you do?

You wave your big decision baton at me and yell: "Are you out of your frickin' mind? No, you fool! Put your money away and go sit on your hands!"

Excellent - things are going to be ok from here.


squib said...

I did ask if you were being sarcastic when you said you were dying to see it

This was a subtle way of saying, are you out of your mind?

Kettle said...

I know. In fact, you asked several times and I persisted with my unbridled enthusiasm. This is why I have relinquished the decision baton; subtle suggestion doesn't seem to work on me so baton beating is now required.

Thank you for trying.

Anonymous said...

HAHAHA. I love your sarcasm. Love love love it.

And yeah, give anything that promises to be knock your block off funny a wide berth.
Stick to Madagascar 2 or something that you know, actually LOOKS funny. :)

Kettle said...

That's so true, Kate! Anything that promises to be knock your block off funny never is. I think I was wooed by the idea of David Wenham as Jerry. Never again shall such temptation cloud my decision-making (unless the wooing involves George Clooney...).

Samantha said...

but david is so beautiful - sigh - i'd watch jerry springer if i thought i might see david in the flesh

... drifts off at a tangent at the thought of david and flesh BANG

brain fuse

Kettle said...

Heh heh, Sam! They were my thoughts exactly before seeing the show, but Monsieur Wenham was dressed up to look like Jerry, including hair and glasses, and Jerry is a very unattractive man ;)

Dang, hey.

Veronica Darling... said...

Wenham must have been good though (no singing I've heard)!

I've not seen Shane Warne The Musical, but Eddie Perfect is a good performer, so I might give it a go.

But I don't tend to go to musicals that I don't know the songs to first. Which means I love musicials as a genre, but only go to the same ones over and over again.

Chicago anyone? I've got my tix already. (Although Craig McLachlan won't beat David Hasslehoff's performance!)

Kettle said...

Hi Veronica, I think going to the same musicals over and over is a gold idea. The musicals I've enjoyed best are indeed those I've seen before and know all the words to the songs: 'Cats', 'Grease', 'Les Mis'...

It's a bit like ordering Chinese food: every time I venture away from beef chow mein with crispy noodles I end up full but unsatisfied. Beef chow mein and 'Cats' it is for me!

PS, David Hasselhoff? Argh!

Senji said...

I need to pipe up over here. When I first emailed to Jerry Springer musical suggestion I was JOKING! But when you responded with excitement, I felt compelled to follow through. I could have saved us all time and at least 100 bucks by saying "Nuh!"

That'll learn me ...

Kettle said...

Oh deary me Senji, my excitement is always sarcastic ;)