Sunday, April 5, 2009

What ho! The answer was on page 13!

Searching for a job involves looking at more cheesy images than you can circle with a red pencil.

The job hunt has continued this week with applications here and interviews there. I have answered some probing questions (where do I see myself in five years time? In residence at the Lodge, either as Prime Minister or Head Gardener) and explained, in 100 words or less, exactly how I've used my effective verbal communication, consultation, and negotiation skills to communicate with officers at various levels, within and external to an organisation (I also found myself talking about Ruth Park's novel My Sister Sif in the same interview so I'm not sure how well it went, on reflection).

Having previously only read the first section of the newspaper in order to win the weekly news quiz*, I thought this week I'd actually read the job ads that fill the bottom half of every page; I thought perhaps I'd find the answer to What To Do there. Could one be the perfect job for me?

Page six, bottom left: Senior Lecturer/Associate Professor of Organic Chemistry. I could have a crack at that. The ad doesn't actually say you need a background in organic chemistry, just that they're seeking "an individual who will strengthen this environment and also contribute with vision and innovation". Nothing a bit of perfectly acceptable application-based exaggeration won't cover there.

Page ten, middle left: Federal Court judge. Great timing to be made redundant: the Attorney-General of Australia is currently seeking nominations and expressions of interest for appointment to the Federal Court in Sydney and Melbourne. I'll nominate you if you nominate me.

Page 13, bottom left: Director of the Government Media Unit in the Office of the Premier of Queensland Anna Bligh. I read the paper every day so I'm pretty sure I'm qualified for this one.

And then I see it, page 13, bottom right:

Seachange for Two
Energetic couple to manage immaculate retirement village, 34 days annual leave each year, magnificent gardens, salary + super + spacious self-contained accommodation.

If only I was 75 I'd be able to work from home.

The search continues...

* A high score in which is more a measure of how much time you've wasted during the week, as opposed to a confirmation of the ontological status of the quiz as a true competition. Also, there are no prizes.


CeeCee said...

Kettle, please urgently forward details of Sea change for two!!! (Only joking!) Would need far more than just 34 days holiday, although that's not bad!

Kettle said...

Ha ha CeeCee! The only job that would beat seachange for two at a retirement village would be seachange for two at a Port Macquarie caravan park ;) Either way, I figure it would feel more like 340 days holiday a year than 34.

squib said...

I used to fancy driving an icecream van. It was going to be painted mint. And I was going to serve nice icecream, not that softserve slop. And I was going to park it at the beach and sell loads of icecream during summer and during autumn/winter I was going to have a holiday

Kettle said...

Squib we could job-share! You could use the van to sell non-slop icecream in summer and I could use it to sell roasted chestnuts in winter! We could split the rego costs.

squib said...


Our logo could be a squirrel in a 1950's bathing costume


the projectivist said...

i hate that sloppy soft-serve stuff.
hate it!

but Kettle, you should re-think the judge job. there's going to be no opportunity to blog whilst at work on that one.

you get them to make you a custom judgy-bench thingy, with high sides so that you can hide your laptop. then you could perfect a look of studied concentration whilst you flick through the interwebs.

Kettle said...

Most excellent, Squib! Do you still have your Minty Moo squirrels on staff? If you have any up for re-deployment, with a fine figure for swimmers, send him or her our way.

And Project, I think it's hilarious that they actually advertise for Federal Court judges. I'm sure it's a legislated thing but what an opportunity in an economic down-turn. I do so like Boston Legal.

I love your idea about a purpose-built judge-blogging corral; I'm not sure how I'd explain my laugh-out-louds, though ;)