Monday, January 5, 2009

Nothing new

When I woke up this morning I thought I was a unique snowflake.

I thought that my accumulated life experiences had led specifically and only to me; that my story was one of the six billion endlessly different stories of the people who are alive at this very moment on earth.

Then I started reading the weekend's papers and apparently my snowflake is regulation size and shape.

Example. I've got this thing about packaging so have decided to have a crack at growing some green edible-type things on my balcony, you know to cut out all those cardboard boxes and sealed plastic bags and cellophane-wrapped thing bits. It's all terribly wasteful and makes me rather upset, does all this packaging.

I thought the decision to grow some planty things was mine but no:
...with a new year under way, a number of gardening trends are becoming increasingly apparent... We are all trying to reduce our environment footprint and growing our own food is a good start.
SMH, January 3-4 2009.
Ok, strike one. I've also been thinking I'd like to check out some of the second-hand clothes stores up the road but the fashion pages tell me vintage is all the rage this season, what given the hard economic times, and dahling everyone's doing it (it's just the trendites are calling it 'homespun chic').

Ok, strike two. And I had this great idea for a novel... it's about a futuristic amusement park where dinosaurs are brought to life through advanced cloning techniques. I call it 'Billy and the Clonesaurus'.

I know, I know, Michael Crichton and The Simpsons have both done this one already. As Apu says:
"Oh, you have got to be kidding. First you think of an idea that has already been done. Then you give it a title that nobody could possibly like. Didn't you think this through...[later]...was on the bestseller list for eighteen months! Every magazine cover had...[later]...most popular movies of all time, sir! What were you thinking?"
Strike three I'm out. Is there nothing new in the world? I'd have a whiskey before breakfast except Noel Gallagher's done that already. Bugger.

4 comments:

remote control said...

I wanted to be the world's first black American president but I've been beaten to that :)

squib said...

You could be the first person to discover some weird type of insect. There are billions of insects. You just have to find one no one else has found and maybe they will call it Kettle or something

You could build an igloo

Get a pet sheep and take it for walks

Wear a Viking helmet at all times

Ride a penny-farthing bicycle

Anonymous said...

I like the Viking helmet at all times. Imagine if everyone wore Viking helmets at all times?? bad hair days would be a thing of the past. And the likes of L'Oreal and Fructis would have to start making other stuff, like breakfast cereals. Hmmm bran flakes with full balance and extra body. Yum!

The Dangerous Kettle said...

Remote control, that's not a bad thing to be pipped at the post for :)

Excellent suggestions, squib, gracias. I used to live across the road from a bicyle museum and was always fascinated by the physics of the penny farthing; just how do they stay up?

A quick search suggests there are no insects called 'kettle' as yet so I'm in luck there, and while my balcony might be too small for a sheep I hear you can rent chickens so perhaps I can take them for short walks, railing to railing? I'm going to be far too busy with my new projects to go to work anymore.

And Anon! I agree there's something very breakfasty about L'Oreal and Fructis. Now we just need someone to come out with some kind of shampoo-based coffee and toast and we'll be set.