Today's Top Cornball Headlines:
1. "Pene for your thoughts, Tom": Yep, Tom Cruise acting creepy around former love-chunks Penelope Cruz at an Oscars after-party.
2. "Lonely Planet tells staff to pack their bags": You guessed it, this one ran in the business section.
3. "No waltzing for Heath's Matilda": I genuinely thought we had an unspoken but general agreement that no waltzy puns would be attached to Heath's little squirt. Shame on you, large media outlet.
Tomorrow: a close analysis of this article: "Robbers loot Greer's home: Academic says female cops at her home looked like cabaret artistes." Oh happy headline days! Bring on the new dawn!
