I thought the day would never come

Jerry Springer: The Opera!


It's on tonight, peeps. Be still my beating fun stick.

The King of Musicals

I've been trying to think of a way to describe, in the few short words that make up a post, just what fabulosity is in store for me in 58 short days when I go to see Jerry Springer: The Opera. I couldn't put it any better than this blurb from the Opera House's website:

A pre-op transsexual… A man with nappy fetish… A pole-dancing housewife… Dancing Klansmen… The Devil… And a Jesus who admits he’s just a little bit ‘gay’…

A cast of 21 performers, with an 8-piece band, play a succession of lowlife characters, each desperate for their own ‘Jerry Springer’ moment. They fight, they cuss, they reveal their secrets – all via a sung-through score that ranges from pop and Broadway to classical and contemporary opera.

“It’s got tragedy, it’s got violence, there are people screaming at each other and you can’t understand what they’re saying. It’s perfect for opera.” Richard Thomas, Conductor

And oh my lordy David Wenham is Jerry! Be still my beating fun-stick.

How ever will I hold down my job, perform home economics, and remember to wash and dress myself when such a transcendental, transformative experience awaits? (Seriously, any suggestions welcome.)

The only thing that would top off the show itself would be a pre- or post-show interview with the pre-op transsexual, the chap with the nappy fetish, or the pole-dancing housewife, etc.

I reckon it's so gonna happen because my brother's uncle's sister's nephew snogged a guy who knows the chick who used to work behind the bar in the restaurant across the road from where the guy who donated his left testicle to the infertile couple who were on the real Springer show in June a couple of years ago used to have noodles after work. It's all coming together beautifully.

Electoral pumpkins

Pumpkin patterns courtesy of the good people at Associated Press, via The Post Family.

Yesterday we opened our three-pocketed goody bag of fun with birthdays so today we move on to US presidential election things. Ooh ooh be still my beating fun-stick.

How convenient that the US election is only a few days after Halloween. It means our pumpkins, neatly carved out with Obama's or McCain's faces (as above; or, bizarrely, elephants and donkeys with stars and stripes?*) will still be in good form for our election parties, glowly warmly on our front porches, illuminating the gentle and magnanimous or cold and capitalistic hearts within.**

But to demonstrate how balanced and fair I'm being on this election, I'd like to list, in a totally unbiased fashion, some points about Obama and Palin (sure she's running for Vice Pres but what the hey) to help inform the debate:

Obama loves kittens, his family, walks on the beach, social decency, world peace, saving whales, defending the under-dog, equal opportunity, fluffy toys.

Palin loves shooting kittens.

So as my unbiased analysis suggests, Obama is on the winning side, but this is of little practical use since I'm not an American and thus not allowed to vote in their elections. I'll just look on from the side-lines as I carve out Australian-centric images into my antipodean pumpkins.


* Does anyone know what the sticky is with elephants and donkeys? I always thought the eagle was the big cheese in the US, but perhaps the elephant and donkey are on the coat of arms? Does America have a coat of arms? How much less could I know about the States? How many questions could I ask in this one asterix, eh?

** Sound the Extreme Prejudice Alarm!