Monday, August 27, 2012

Wallet, where the bloody hell are you?

So I lost my wallet on the weekend which is really, really annoying.

Of all the shit in my bag, I would have preferred to have lost:
  • any, or all, of my 16 million pens
  • my high-tech, secret-squirrel work pass
  • my double-barrelled pencil sharpener (seriously the best sharpener ever, which I have carried with me (I shit you not) for eight, maybe nine, years)
  • any of my many USBs, replete with awesome blackmail-worthy images.
But no. I lost my wallet, which has all the really cool stuff like my driver's licence and my credit card and, bloody hell, my Pet Barn membership.

So because it's late and I'm grumpy and possibly a little over-tired, here's everything I blame for me losing my wallet:
  • The two boys on the train who were smoking this morning. Far out they were dumb
  • My darling friend Kate who continues to live in Canberra when I would much prefer her to live in Sydney
  • Big Brother, what's that shit about?
  • Petrol prices
  • Climate change
  • Time machines (lack of)
  • Rota virus
  • The cost of living
  • Capitalism
  • Lenin (premature death of)
  • Abdominators
  • Chumps (generally)
  • People who hose their concrete
  • Unequal pay rates
  • Sexism
  • Plastic Christmas trees
  • And Tony Abbott. He just out and out sucks dogs balls.
Oh bloody hell, I have nought to blame but myself. All I can say is love your wallet right (or else come join me for a pale ale to dull the pain; either way, win-win).


Melba said...

Would love to see you for a pale ale Kettle and sorry about your wallet. there aint nothing worse really.

And Big Brother. Hmmm, I'm a watcher. You see, for me, it's about effortless people watching and they don't know you're doing it. Or they know there are cameras but they don't know YOU are doing it. I've always been an observer rather than a doer. It's nicely up my alley. I watched the other series, and I'm glad it's back on because it's a bit of fun.

I realised recently that reality tv (some, not all) satisfies me nicely in a way that tv drama (most, not all) doesn't. I mean when the tv shows are meant to be good but are shit then why not just cut to the chase and watch the so-called shit?

This is my thesis and I think there's something in it.

squib said...

That's truly awful and God, what are Abdominators? They sound even worse somehow

The Elephant's Child said...

While I am truly sad you lost your wallet if this is what it takes to have you come back to us it is not a total disaster.
And I blame Mr Rabbit for almost all the bad things on your list. And was seriously glad that no one had given him an alert the other day. Middle aged men in speedos trotted by soliciting funds for Cystic Fibrosis research. If any of them had told Tony he would have headed the pack and I would have regurgitated every meal I have eaten since Christmas. (rant over).
Welcome back - you have been missed.

Anonymous said...

If only these dots were widely available here, eh? (I can't help it; I love these bloody videos.)

I was surprised to hear about the return of Big Brother, since I seem to remember it getting axed after a bunch of sexual assault instances or something, right? Even federal politicians were calling for it to go, weren't they? Hmmm, isn't it going to be on channel Nein now? Isn't channel Nein in dire financial straits? I wonder if there's a connection? Not that it really matters to me, I guess. I don't watch telly anymore anyway.

TEC, I may have to try blaming Mr Rabbit for all the bad things from now on. At the very least, I think it may be somewhat cathartic.

Squib, I'm going to guess that Abdominators are things that promise to be like abdominal terminators but are more effective as wallet terminators. Which I suppose is ironic, considering the nature of this post.

Kettle said...

Melbs what we really want is Big Brother with you and a cohort of bookish fiends in it. I would watch that for a special. And since it would make awesome telly there's no way Nein would be interested in it. Win-win.

I take your point though about embracing reality tv because dramas are so disappointing. It's all about expectations, hey.

Squib god knows what abdominators are (although I suspect Alex has closer than anyone ever in explaining them). All I know about abdominators is that there's far too much swinging around in the ads for anything to be happening vis a vis abdominal termination.

And dearest TEC, I feel your rabbity pain. That man is just awful, and he has completely the wrong kind of chest hair. Urgh.

look see said...

Sucks shit about your wallet, I feel your pain. Not watching Big Brother this time around, not because I think I'm too smart for it or nothing but more because I keep forgetting it's on.

Kettle said...

Thanks Looksy, like the terminator my wallet is starting to reform. It really has been a pain but.

The best thing about Big Brother is that it's reminded me to read 1984.

look see said...

I've never read 1984 and I started reading it a few weeks ago, but promptly left it on my desk at work so it'll have to wait until after the holidays now.