Thursday, March 21, 2013

Because it's an election year


I've been thinking about doing some kind of low-brow election year commentary, just for shits and giggles, but I've been a little intimidated, frankly, with all the political smarts of politically smart people flying around.

But after the fun of today, what with Crean and Gillard and the leadership challenge that never was, I reckon an untrained monkey has as much chance of making any sense of it as anyone else so what the hey, why not have a crack.

So what do I bring as a political commentator? Absolutely nothing. But I do promise to:

  1. re-watch The West Wing
  2. drink enough beer to make Hunter ST proud
  3. bring everything back to the carbon tax
  4. never, ever say 'Juliar' even if I really, really want to (so lame, so very, very lame. So very lame.)
  5. base my political analysis on fortune cookies and horoscopes
  6. hold my suburb's third, maybe fourth, least sucky election night party.
So comrades! Let's get this shit on.

8 comments:

The Elephant's Child said...

Welcome back.
Do we have to face up to this? I can no longer watch the television news (or listen to it either) because I find myself hissing at the screen (and sometimes saying some unfortunate words loudly). I may have to emigrate (perhaps to NZ whose foreign policy doesn't seem to consist of crawling up America's fundament).
My father told me 'it doesn't matter who you vote for you will be a politician'. While he was right, he was also a liar because he wouldn't have dreamed of voting anything but Labor.

look see (naomi) said...

This is a most excellent idea. I can't wait to read what you think about it all. I made the mistake of watching a bit of the Today show from my sick-bed today and wanted to reach into the television, scruff Karl Stefanovic by the collar and give him a sound beating. Serves me right for watching it in the first place.

squib said...

Don't tell anyone, especially not Ramondo, but I actually missed the WA election. I didn't know it was on because I'd been reading the Guardian and occasionally the SMH and now I feel embarrassed and hugely responsible for the terrible outcome. I think I might also get fined if I come back to Australia

Kettle said...

Dear TEC, don't keep those unfortunate words to yourself and your immediate neighbours; yawp them from the rooftops for us all to enjoy! And NZ is a fine choice for emigration, although not right now; we need to keep a good ratio of level-headed people in Australia so you're going to have to stay for a bit.

You raise an interesting point about your Dad always voting Labor. Let us discuss anon.

And dear Nomsky. Sorry to hear you are unwell, and on your birthday too (pretty sure we can blame Abbott for that). I am delighted to hear, though, that the recent political activity has stirred you to your own kind of political activity; a little metaphorical Karl S scruffing is a marvellously invigorating way start to any day.

And Squib! Don't tell anyone but I may have missed the last NSW election? No, maybe it was the local council election or something? I don't know. Anyway, I do know I was too busy metaphoricaly scruffing people to do something I was supposed to do. I'll make up for it at the next election by voting twice. Sorted.

Alex said...

but I've been a little intimidated, frankly, with all the political smarts of politically smart people flying around.

... ??? ...

Anyway, I think this is a smashing idea Kettle. And after reading the comments here, I'm very happy to realise I'm not the only person who gets vocally ape-shit and borderline physically violent with my telly when there's political coverage on.

And you know, the idea of Labor losing doesn't even bother me. Fair enough, I say; at this point the dickheads are just asking for it*. It's the thought of the Libs winning that riles me. And Tony Abbott. And the fact that everyone seems to be overlooking the fact that he's a huge cunt and always has been.

*Oh, speaking of horoscopes, here's a prediction: If (when?) Labor loses, the media will spin a story into the fabric of the popular subconscious (sorry, a bit tired, might be talking shit) about gallant Sir Krud, hero of the people, who led the lost Laborites out of exile to vanquished the invincible Howard; and how he was cut down (from behind) by the evil, scheming, lying, manipulative, backstabbing (they'll probably find a way to make her slutty, too) redheaded (and you know that'll get a mention) witch-queen, whose selfish, unscrupulous ambitions poisoned the royal court and brought the entire kingdom to the brink of ruin ('cause that's where we are right now, right?). Bet there'll even be a shitty telly-movie about it.

The Elephant's Child said...

Tony Abbot is nothing as useful as a cunt. He is a festering pus-wart and an oxygen thief as well. And the thought that he could be/will be our Prime Minister scares the crap out of me.
PS: My partner is no longer on the electoral roll. He simply stopped voting or responding to the requests for explanations. So they wrote and said he would be removed from the electoral roll if he didn't contact them within 21 days. And he didn't.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Good luck with that Kettle.

I've been wrestling with a similar idea for weeks.

squib said...

It's OK. This is the lowdown on voting overseas

"Voting is not compulsory
for Australian citizens outside Australia on polling day. But if you are on the Roll, and you don’t vote in a federal election or referendum held while you are away, either in person or by post, even if you are registered with the AEC as an Eligible Overseas Elector, the AEC might well
subsequently take your name off
the Roll.If this happens, the time limitation on re-enrolment from overseas may mean you become
disenfranchised for the rest of the time you live abroad. In other words, “use it, or lose it”.