Thursday, June 28, 2012

Is that a guitar in your lap or are you just happy to see me?

I have just started learning the guitar, and goodness me! Isn't it a marvellous instrument? Not only do I feel like Leonard Cohen (I sound like shit but in my head it's all Cohen) but I'm developing suitably rock-god-like calluses.

This is all very well and good, these calluses, and I am deriving a great deal of pleasure showing friends and loved ones my toughened digits (tapping them on benchtops, desks, any hard surface, "See look! Look! Can't feel a thing!"), but I'm beginning to realise that with every gain to my hardening fingertips there is an equal and opposite loss of everyday functionality.

You see, I'm discovering that wicked string-stopping calluses mean no fine fingertip sensitity.

This may sound like a small thing but the consequences are potentially massive (or at least very slightly life-changing in a handful of mildly inconsequential ways).

You see, I can no longer use chopsticks gracefully, or peel grapes, or pick lint off my clothes.

Or type properly, or do up bottons with aplomb. And my days as a hand-model? Over, baby.

I know what you're thinking, I probably couldn't do these things beforehand and you'd be absolutely right, but now that I really can't I'm starting to wonder what other inconsequential things I've been doing on a daily basis (like a chump) that I can get away with not doing, like working, cooking, vacuuming (occasionally), parenting, you know, participating meaningfully in society and shit.

So tonight I'm giving it all up for the couch, a glass of red and my guitar. Every once in a while it's good to be me.

17 comments:

look see said...

The guitar is awesome. I always struggled with it because I'm cack-handed.

Do you know what though, I'd love to learn to play the ukulele. I know the hipsters are all into it and shit, but I still think I could give it a stab. I don't care if I like the same things hipsters do. I liked them first. (Probably except for the ukulele, but it's a small thing.)

Kettle said...

Goodness, cack-handed sounds like a hand-based cowlick. I say embrace your cack-handedness and play the greatest cack-handed guitar the world has ever seen!

Just watch, by September all the hipsters will be throwing down their ukes and taking up the EMS cack-handed guitar! Mark my words they will.

squib said...

I had no idea that playing the guitar was so dangerous. Have you thought about thimbles?

Kettle said...

No Squibby, I hadn't. But I do wear my hair buttons when I play, which must be helping, right?

squib said...

If you wrap them around your fingers, maybe

Alex said...

Very cool Kettle. And on the plus side, you'll be much better protected from paper-cuts and small lacerations while doing metalwork. Also, I expect to see a link to your SoundCloud account on here before long.

Nomes, that Gurranm... Yunnaru... Geoff bloke form Yothu Yindi is kack handed, blind and learnt to play a right handed guitar by holding it upside down. I say get yourself a ukulele and go for it.

Kettle said...

Bloody hell Alex, I don't even know what SoundCloud is. Stop wrenching me out of my twentieth century reliance on paper and analog shit.

And Nomsky, I'm with Alex. Cack-handed schmack-handed. Close your eyes and play, baby.

Kettle said...

And Squib, at the risk of sounding melodramatic, what? WHAT?

Kettle said...

[Squib the 'what what?' was about the UK... Cross-blog commenting happening there.]

squib said...

Oh yeah, didn't I mention that?

Alex said...

Only on Melba's blog, I think, Squib.

Melba said...

I've come to say hello Kettle, and oh hey everyone else. Feel I need to get out of my cave a little and get around the traps a bit more.

Guitar: When I learned a whole four chords in the late '70s I felt like Cat Stevens and/or James Taylor. But the calluses were bad and I guess that's what maybe stopped me before I could begin to start feeling like Janis Ian or someone female.

Melba said...

Just realised there was a gap of a month between my comment and the previous one... are you all somewhere else having a good time? Hope you're well Kettle

look see said...

Well, you all had me until the calluses - I get the feeling they would make the teaching and the photographing thing a whole bunch harder.

Maybe I'll just ukulele on the side?

Kettle said...

Hey hey Ms Melbs, Ms Look See, good to hear from you both. There are such gaps in this blog, aren't there? I've been here, just a bit bereft of blog-posting ideas at the moment (tired, always tired; anyone else?).

I'm going to pop over to your places and see what's doing over there x

Melba said...

Yes I always forget to visit other people's blogs and hadn't realised that EMS was now Look See. I had a blogroll then got rid of it about three years ago, and now I have you on my list to remind me Kettle! Just doesn't seem that anyone's around much these days... hope you're well.

Kettle said...

Melbs you're on my blog roll too. Let's do this more often. Hope you're well too x