Thursday, January 28, 2010

I have seen the light

One of my favourite and most evil friends is systematically attempting to convert all those within her sphere to vegetarianism.

Every couple of weeks she sends an email with a link to some heartbreaking video about baby fur seals being clubbed to death by cage-laying hens at some pig farm somewhere (if I understand right) and I send her back links to this kind of twaddle:

Most of our email subject headings include the word 'propaganda' with various combinations of capital letters and exclamation marks, usually culminating in "Now THIS is Propaganda!!!!!"

Sure we waste a lot of time and probably should be doing other things, but for all the to-ing and fro-ing of emails and Propagandising!!! her point is starting to make sense to me. Maybe it is time to lay down my steak knife, to say "No more!" to beef chow mein with crispy noodles, to demand a better life for bacon and all the other magical cuts of meat. Maybe it's time to go meat-free.

These were my thoughts tonight as I made a delicious and nutritious chicken stir fry (with ginger and garlic and Tamari sauce). At one stage, right towards the end when the snow peas were warm but still crisp and the Bok Choy was delicately wilted, I accidentally flipped a piece of chicken out of the pan and it landed, plop! on the stove top.

But all was not lost. With my newly emergent concern for animal rights I knew exactly what to do: I popped the chicken back into the pan, mixed it in thoroughly and said "I owe it to you, chicken, not to waste you. Amen."

So, does that make me a vegetarian?


Ramon Insertnamehere said...

That reminds me.

I must have chops for dinner tonight.

Kettle said...

Remember, Ramon, before each bite to say "I owe it to you, chop, not to waste you," then you'll be a vegetarian too.

squib said...

erm... no

Kettle said...

But there were heaps of vegies in my stir fry too, Squib; doesn't that count for anything? No?

Senji said...

The Simpsons already said it all for me ....

Lisa and Hugh go on a date to "40 classic films starring Jim Carrey".
They walk out together afterwards, his arm around her shoulder.

Hugh: I've never met anyone who so understood the magic of Jim Carrey.
Lisa: He can make you laugh with no more than a frantic flailing of his limbs.

[later, back at "Dr. & Mrs. Dre Hall"]

Hugh: Mmm, I can't believe how much we have in common. We're both studying the environment, we're both utterly humorless about our vegetarianism, and we both love the Rolling Stones.

Lisa: Yes, not for the music, but for their tireless effort to preserve historic buildings.

Hugh: Lisa, I can't bear the thought of being apart from you all summer. Come back with me to Parkfield Manor.

Lisa: I'd love to! Can we get vegetarian meals at your parents' house?

Hugh: Yes, we can, Lisa.

Lisa: That is good because eating animals is wrong.

Hugh: So very wrong.

Lisa: When will the world learn?

Hugh: [mournful] I don't know. I just don't know.

the projectivist said...

Excellent, Senji. I also love that meat propaganda film that the kids watch at school. Troy McLure stars in it.

squib said...

No! A big fail!

Kettle said...

Ah Senji and Ms P, what brilliant Simpsons quotes. 'The Simpsons' really is as wonderful as a hot, sauce-laden bacon and egg roll first thing on a Saturday morning, don't you think?

Squib, at least my vegies were vegies, not like that crazy mung-beans-compressed-to-look-like-a-chicken-roast business. Comparatively speaking, those evil 'roasts' are more of a fail than my vegetarian stir fry with chicken, don't you think?

the projectivist said...

Mme Kettle!
i DID send you an email, do you ever check that thing?

i've had to dash off for a bit, i have a new job and it's time for a fresh start.

i will be coming back (i'm too addicted to the magic of blogging) but in the meantime i shall continue to drop by the KettleBlog and say hello.


Leilani said...

You are the only sort of vegetarian I can handle. Good on them and all that - but when I die I'm going down with some serious roast beef.

Kettle said...

Ms P, hurrah! Emailed received and replied. All the best for your new jobby.

And Leilani, I reckon we could fashion some coffins out of beef jerky, in the style of those cardboard ones that are all the rage at the moment. Yes, that would be good.