Sunday, September 20, 2009

From Ramones reject to t-shirt queen in 15 easy years

The first time I went to Homebake I had t-shirt issues (as you do) so a friend lent me one of hers. It was black and fitted, with a rather nice design on the front. It was for some band called the Ramones; I hadn't heard of them but my friend assured me they were quite good, as far as bands go. So on went the t-shirt and off we went to Homebake.

That I was wearing a t-shirt for a band I didn't know apparently incensed my friend's younger sister who said (quite rightly, I see in hindsight): "You can't wear that. You don't even know who they are."

To which I answered:

"Well... um... so what? Yes I can."

Not my finest moment, that. So over the many years since then I've had this thing with t-shirt authenticity. Since that moment I've wished, wished for a chance to right my karma in the t-shirt universe.

Finally, my moment arrived last week.

I was in the park with my boy. We were hanging out on the swings and beside us was a gorgeous Goth chick, dressed head to toe in black just like her gorgeous Goth baby. We got chatting, as you do in the park, about parenting and tv and what we did before our sticky, busy children arrived.

It turned out she had studied Comparative Literature and Classics at uni in South Africa so we nattered about the books we'd read and the poetry we were forcing on our poor children. We chuckled about how great but economically worthless our liberal arts educations had been.

We laughed, we sighed, we smiled at our kids.

Then it came to me, in a flash of t-shirt brilliance. I knew exactly what to say. Never before had the stars of conversation come together like this. I turned to my new Goth friend, straightened my t-shirt and said: "My worthless degree means I can wear this t-shirt and mean it."

Lame? My lordy yes, but for that moment I ruled the t-shirt universe.

So tell me, how do you get on with the T-Shirt Gods?


squib said...

Kettle, did you make that shirt?

I have a nice pink shirt from Red Bubble that says I've been to Tralfamadore Zoo (which isn't true, I haven't really been there)

MrSquib has a shirt with 'Psycho' on it (it's something to do with the band Suede) and he always wears it when I'm trying to impress people

the projectivist said...

i only have plain t shirts.
with nothing on 'em.
usually v-necked.

white, grey, black.

2 weeks ago i branched out, lived on the wild side for a moment or two, and purchased a red t shirt and a beautiful turquoise one.

i envy you your t shirt, Mme Kettle.

Miles McClagan said...

1ne of my friends told me that the Japanese band "Puffy" have a T-shirt which translates as "Hey! You! Reading this T-shirt! Buy your own so we can afford more popcorn!"

Which, if true, makes it 2nd only to this...

Kettle said...

Squib I wish I had made it. It came via a Kris Kringle from a dear friend from here: They seem to only have it in green these days.

I wish I too had a Tralfamadore Zoo shirt (even though I haven't really been there either). And tell me true: are people more impressed with MrSquib's shirt or the watermark on his business cards?

And Ms P, what a splash of colour! Good for you. On the other hand, I think a wardrobe with a large selection of black t-shirts is a fine and admirable thing. But we probably won't need t-shirts for Paris; would dresses and Jimmy Choos be best?

And Miles! Love the Puffy shirt. I would buy their CD based on the t-shirt alone. And God love morbid messages and rainbows - a good laugh for the evening.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

So Kettle, the expression "hey, ho, let's go" would probably mean little to you then?

Kettle said...

Ah Monsieur Ramon, I'm happy to say I've spent many good hours with Joey and the lads in the intervening years. Thank God!

[And, uh-hm, I think you'll find it's "Hey oh, let's go". Just sayin' is all.]

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Stuff and nonsense Kettle.

It's "Hey, Ho, Let's Go"

Don't make me come up there!

squib said...

And tell me true: are people more impressed with MrSquib's shirt or the watermark on his business cards?

Oh I think it's the shirt. There's nothing quite as reasuring as a man in a psycho shirt asking someone if their kid would like to come over for a play

Kettle said...

Oh Ramon I don't know! I just don't know anymore! I thought it was 'ho', then I checked out the lyrics on the interwebs and most sites have it as 'oh', but then some of those sites I looked at were in German and some were in Italian and others still were English. I just don't know what's what anymore. Oh! I mean, ho!

I reckon we should the lyrics to 'Hey, dude! Let's go!' that way no-one will ever get confused.

And Squib, you've given me an idea for a uniform design for childcare workers.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Observe, Kettle!

Kettle said...

Oh bum. Ok I concede.

See what happens when I upset the T-Shirt Gods? Not only did I give them the shits with the undeserved wearing of the Ramones t-shirt all those years ago, but here, today, I have angered them again by trying to correct an already correct Ramones lyric. Their response? A deft smiting by their Ramones Lyric Genius (that's you, Ramon).

I'm not messing with the T-Shirt Gods anymore.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

The T-Shirt Gods are subtle and quick to anger and 30 per cent rayon.