Is it just me, or do you think I'm crazy too?

Last week I spent some time with a 75-year old woman. We had only met that morning and had the whole day together so we started in the way that all new acquaintances start, with general pleasantries and the odd bit of social mapping ("So how do you know...?", "Oh I see!").

We had a quiet but productive morning, passing the occasional comment about the tennis (our appreciation of Roger Federer's fine legs, for example) and telling the odd joke about Descartes and politicians.

It was all going fine until we were about to break for lunch; at that point it all went hideously wrong.

I looked across the table at her and said, "Would you mind passing me that ... um ... thingummy. The little ... with the ... oh bum, you know, with the [insert hand gesture] ... Oh man, what's it called? The the the ... you know, to hold the ... with the ... MY GOD! To hold the freakin' paper together?"

She stared at me (as though I'd been babbling incoherently), and said, droll-as, "You mean ... paperclip?" Then she laughed so hard she snorted and had to put her foot up on a chair.

After she'd finished laughing her arse off, said "oh dear" a few times and coughed once or twice (for effect), she said, "I'm glad to know you have senior moments too," then she leaned forward confidentially and whispered, "You might want to see someone about that, before it's too late," and roared with laughter again.

So after this disastrous brain malfunction I'm pretty sure I'm experiencing the early stages of early onset senility.

But it's ok, I'm onto it: I've diagnosed myself via a range of trust-worthy forum-based medical websites, I've bought a jumbo-sized container of fish oil capsules, and I've made sure my Power of Attorney includes the words "reduced capacity" (it does). So all I have to do now is get started on this pile of Sudoku, crosswords and mind-bending challenging logic puzzles (as any good current affairs show would recommend).

Think you might be going senile too? Come stave it off with me; here, sit. We can share my puzzle book. Let's do that one, the one about the shopping. I'll read it out (have you got a pencil?): "Susan, Stephen and Stephanie helped their mother to carry the shopping home. Each child had seven pieces of fruit in his or her bag..."

I'm feeling better already.

Ok I'm over it

What's this?

"Yesterday...the man from Majorca acknowledged that seeing his friend and rival...break down after their latest final...had tempered his own joy."

"[It] was tough situation, a tough moment for him more than me," Nadal, who was moved to comfort a weeping Federer, said yesterday. "But for me, too. Roger is, we have a relationship and was tough moment for him … too much emotion is there yesterday, no? But probably in the future when we see that moment on the TV it's going to be nice, but when you live that moment, it's tough. Because I can't enjoy 100 per cent the victory because I saw him cry."

Ok, now what's this?

Ha ha ha plop.

That's me laughing my head off at the poor emo-heads at the top of world tennis.

Having at first felt sad for my dear wouldn't-hurt-a-ladybug friend Roger Federer I've quickly developed sporting compassion fatigue.

"I can't enjoy 100 per cent the victory because I saw him cry" - bah! Try reading the newspaper; that'll make you cry! Try getting to sleep when the temperature moves from a scorching 38 degrees during the day to a still and sticky 30 degrees at night! Try wearing a hat on a windy day!

Come on boys, suck it up. At least you've still got your millions of dollars, your sponsorship deals and your fly-around-the-world-playing-a-happy-game-of-racquet-and-ball lifestyle. Doesn't sound too bad to me.

Hang in there big guy

As I went to sleep last night I had this train of thought looping around my head:

"I can't believe Nadal won. My poor Rog, I do hope he's ok. Tough game, man, tough game. And the heat! Pah! Poor Rog. Nadal Naschmal. What is he, like, 14? But Rog, how good was he? I mean, yeah sure, not quite good enough to win, but really, what's winning? Ok so winning was kind of the point, of this and other elimination-based competitions, but can't they change the rules, just for Rog? Huh? For Rog? I can't believe Nadal won. My poor Rog, I do hope he's ok..." and etc.

The very last thing I remember thinking was: "You know, they should so just put a photo of Rog in the paper tomorrow. Forget Nadal, or at most just give him a little photo and Rog a big one."

And they did.