Tuesday, June 23, 2009

I object

What's a 'schlange'?

Having vented my most pressing whinges last week I thought I'd move on to my most pressing objections. Afterall, to whinge is human but to object is divine.

Indeed it is, so here I go on my path to objectionist divinity:

1. I object to bloggy friends packing up their virtual badminton nets and going home, like Squib and The Projectivist (I haven't yet given up hope, Ms P, but there was something very final about that last capitalised X). Surely starting a blog is like joining the army or having a child: you're in it for life, right?

2. I object to Herman Melville's Typee being such a boring book. What's not to love about Melville's tropical island and cannibals? Don't waste your time reading the book; I'll tell you: everything.

3. I object to silly James Fenimore Cooper calling his characters 'Chingachgook' and 'Natty Bumppo'. For chroist sake, 'Chingachgook' has been stuck in my head on a loop since 1994. It is the world's most annoying word. Ever.

4. I object to my blog template, all bally and bouncy and colourful and sweet. Blech. In addition, I object to my lack of graphic design who-dit and computer know-how which prevent me from installing a less poxy template.

Hmm, I have less objections than I thought, which is surprising and slightly disappointing.

So help me cover up my shortcomings by telling me something you object to. And Squib and Ms P: you can't object to being objected to!


Samantha said...

I also felt that the thank you sounded a little final

I waiting patiently hoping it is an emotional blow out like mine - caused by forum upset - and that she will be back and blogging soon

words, wine, coffee, art said...

I object to doing other people's job for them! Phoning to correct errors in bills, following up orders, long discussions with Medicare who had somehow acquired my father's banking details as mine, etc etc.
Also, the (apparently) 12 year olds who are the first contact for many businesses, and who feel their job is done when they tell you "I don't know."

the projectivist said...

hmmm this is my fault.
i DID post a quick something about the reason for the non-blogging
but then i felt overcome with 'showiness' and sympathy-gathering, so i quickly took it down.

what to do?

my cousin died on the 14th. he was only 33. he'd been battling cancer for 2 years.
i still can't believe it.

anyway. it's nice to know that you like my little blog.

the projectivist said...

now let me help you with that template...

oh my!
word verification agrees:

yes, word verification drones, it IS a terrible template.

the projectivist said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
the projectivist said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
the projectivist said...

you can go to your dashboard
then Layout, then Pick New Template:


to choose a template and then select the "fonts and colours" tab to fiddle with the colours until you get them right.


over here to get a template-


they have a pretty good explanation of how to install the templates.

Kettle said...

Oh dear Ms P, I'm so sorry to hear about your cousin. That's very sad. Please excuse the silliness of my post.

I do love your blog (it's been one of the loveliest discoveries of this blog world) but I know how words evaporate with sad news. I hope you are ok xo

Thank you for the template help. Any site called 'suck my lolly' is a winner by me. I look forward to hearing what the word verification drones make of my blog once it's been renovated!

squib said...

I'm sorry also Project x

Kettle, you think 'Typee' is bad? Hah! You should try 'Pierre'. And this reminds me, when are you going to join Shelfari and up my friend count?

Beware of fiddling with templates if you are stupid like me. A simple change of colour may destroy a butterfly on the other side of the world. This is called Chaos Theory

I object to Coles not stocking spearmint leaf lollies when I need to make an alien cake out of that Women's Weekly cake book for the first of two space parties coming up in July. Life is hard enough without having to drive around looking for spearmint leaves!!

Kettle said...

Squib I've abandoned 'Typee', and am not sure I'm keen to pick up 'Pierre'!

I have actually joined Shelfari but can't remember the name I listed myself under. If I find myself I'll see if I can connect as a friend (as my blog template demonstrates I'm not super good on the IT front). Hopefully see you on the shelf!

Hope also you found your spearmint leaves. It can be very tricky locating once-popular lollies (also copha); I'm still searching for the sugar-covered, fish-shaped jubes I used to enjoy in bags of mixed lollies on holidays to Port Stephens. You let me know if you find any sugar-covered, fish-shaped jubes and I'll let you know if I come across those rare leaves!

Kettle said...

And Words and Wine! Thank you for your objections, fine ones indeed. How simple life would be if we could just answer "I don't know" and leave it at that. I might try it at work tomorrow; I could fast-track my next redundancy.

squib said...

I presume there is some difference in taste between the normal-shaped jubes and the fish-shaped ones?

Kettle said...

Yes yes, Squib! There's a special kind of jubiness that has so far (despite considerable effort) eluded my descriptive 'powers' (uh-hm), but the sugar-covered fish-shaped jubes are THAT kind of sublime jubiness, and the sugar is oh so light... ahh, I have made myself sad about their absence from my life all over again.

Will you post the alien cake somewhere?

squib said...

Yes, I'm not sure where I'll post the pics though. Definitely on FB. If you're on there, add me. I've even made badges that match the cake (I'm quite serious)

Roland Hanekroot said...

objections big and small..... for your delectation:
- I really really object to the concept of "adding value" that is bandied about by all and sundry constantly.... to quote a former prime minister....visit the local pet shop and the resident pet galah squaks about "adding value" ... every HR person,. CEO and marketing guru big or small squaks about "adding value " to people...as if you can actually increase the value of someone you have a relationship somehow.... hate it...
- I hate the idiotic obsession with banning smoking and smokers from polite society....sure thing, smokers (of which I am a former) should refrain from imposing their nasty odours from those who find them so.... as we all should when we fart and more importantly as everyone should with their car exhausts.... or other fumes... our rule obsessed society has now taken it upon itself to ban smoking in a car when children are present... somehow these rules are supposed to make us all feel better....while we happily continue to drive the earth as a whole to grand scale destruction... How many children die every day in australia from the horrendous effects of having been in a car where someone had a cogarette who was incosiderate and stupid enough not toopen a window... honestly
- Objection 3....no,... I must away...rest assured that should you ever need any extra objections for your book about objections.... i can fill pages 46 through to 173....before lunch

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I object to the lack of bloggging action here.

Kettle said...

Squib I suspect I am a cult member waiting for a cult and I'm sure Facebook would easily lead me astray, thus I have banned myself from setting up an account; I can thus only imagine your iced alien likeness. I am delighted to hear you've made matching badges! If you're in Sydney in November I'd love you to plan my party!

And dear Roland, I do hope your day improved post-objection vent! A book of objections is a sterling idea! Imagine how much value we can add to everyone's lives with such a publication (and how much we'll enjoy driving around with the windows up smoking the Cuban cigars we've bought with our royalties... muhahaha).

And Ramon, objection noted, post posted. Our work here is done.