How much is that horsie in the window?

One of my favourite things to do (along with publicly adoring animated inanimate objects) is to shake my head in wonder at the myriad ingenius ways of turning everything into a buck-making exercise.

Yeah sure Marx was 'ere 1848 but I doubt he had as much fun as we will tomorrow when we get to play spot-the-commodity at the Melbourne Cup!

There are lots of fun games you can play with the Melbourne Cup, my faves including 'guess how many "race that stops a nation" in the jellybean jar' and 'watch the twitty tv personalities demonstrating why they have autocue and don't speak, shouldn't speak' (note Sandy Sully who, circa 2001, described a group of drag queens at the Cup as "not so beautiful").

But the most fun can be had thinking about all the possible likes, needs, wants, dislikes, dreams, frustrations, delights, obstacles, wishes and/or hopes you could possibly have regarding, say, horse racing then trying to find a product that matches each like, need, want, dislike, dream, frustration, delight, obstacle, wish and/or hope over the course of the day.

To get you started:

Total dimwit when it comes to betting? Enrol in the TAB Betting Academy - free, but they're just fattening the calf.

Want to know how to pick the winner? Buy a copy of 'How to Pick The Winner of the 2008 Emirates Melbourne Cup,' $9.95.

Hungry during race day? Have a few wafers at any of the 12 restaurants at the track. Upwards of $100.

Bit hot on race day? Just wander into any one of the marquees with REVERSE CYCLE AIRCONDITIONING (wrong, wrong, wrong, people). $31,000 for the marquee.

* Please note, car parking is included in the price of the the marquee so nothing more to pay here.

Forget your clothes on the day? Buy a t-shirt, trilby (or gumby cap, above), cuff links, tie, pashmina and money clip. Total outfit: $295 (plus $35 for the race day pen to sign your credit card). (Oddly no pants for sale?)

Ooh! And don't forget your Melbourne Cup pin at $5, or pin with diamante for $10. Noice.

And this is all after entry to Flemmington, starting at $60 per pers.

All hail the mighty commodity! And this is why I will never be rich, my friends: it would never occur to me to put up a marquee and charge people $31k to sit in it. Priceless.