Wallet, where the bloody hell are you?

So I lost my wallet on the weekend which is really, really annoying.

Of all the shit in my bag, I would have preferred to have lost:

• any, or all, of my 16 million pens
• my high-tech, secret-squirrel work pass
• my double-barrelled pencil sharpener (seriously the best sharpener ever, which I have carried with me (I shit you not) for eight, maybe nine, years)
• any of my many USBs, replete with awesome blackmail-worthy images.

But no. I lost my wallet, which has all the really cool stuff like my driver's licence and my credit card and, bloody hell, my Pet Barn membership.

So because it's late and I'm grumpy and possibly a little over-tired, here's everything I blame for me losing my wallet:

• The two boys on the train who were smoking this morning. Far out they were dumb
• My darling friend Kate who continues to live in Canberra when I would much prefer her to live in Sydney
• Big Brother, what's that shit about?
• Petrol prices
• Climate change
• Time machines (lack of)
• Rota virus
• The cost of living
• Capitalism
• Lenin (premature death of)
• Abdominators
• Chumps (generally)
• People who hose their concrete
• Unequal pay rates
• Sexism
• Plastic Christmas trees
• And Tony Abbott. He just out and out sucks dogs balls.

Oh bloody hell, I have nought to blame but myself. All I can say is love your wallet right (or else come join me for a pale ale to dull the pain; either way, win-win).